What is forgiveness?
As Jen Sincero, author of You Are A Badass so aptly put it:
“Forgiveness is all about taking care of you, not the person you need to forgive. It’s about putting your desire to feel good before your desire to be right”.
There’s also a great line from You Are A Badass that reads:
“Resentments take up our brain space, waste our time, spin us out, keep us angry and depressed and very often make us physically sick and sometimes even kill us…”
We all have/had that one person(s) that hurt us so badly and got away with it. They got away with it but they left us angry, hurt and not our usual selves. And that’s the thing, it’s annoying they’re living and enjoying their lives – after doing what they did – while we’re not. That’s what fuels our anger whenever we think about it and it keeps holding us back, we just can’t move on.
After reading chapter 15 of You Are A Badass, I got inspired and decided to write a forgiveness letter to my offender: 👇
It would be a great pleasure to begin this letter with “hello, stupid bastard” but I just finished reading a self-help book and I’d try to be as ‘polite’ as possible.
So here’s to you-whom-I-have-chosen-to-forgive,
I want you to know that I wrote about you. What you did to me has for so long taken up a space in my brain without paying rent thereby constantly making me feel angry and depressed. However, I’ve come to realize that it’s partly not your fault, because I put the key to my own happiness in your hands expecting you to always make me happy which was wrong on my end. You’re only human, just like me and like every other human, sometimes you fail because YOU ARE NOT PERFECT.
Holding grudges has been such a waste of time and emotions I haven’t gained anything from but pain, anger, grief, bitterness, hurt and HATRED. All these do nothing but pollute not only my awesome life but my awesomeness as a whole. Jen Sincero stated in her book that believing that by forgiving you, I’m letting you off the hook is a false belief and she couldn’t be more right.
I’ve finally decided to let it go. I AM LETTING MYSELF OFF THE HOOK. I’m no longer a prisoner of what you did to me, I AM FINALLY FREE!
I thought of – among so many other interesting and evil things -, putting dead cockroaches in your shoes, ripping your trousers on the butt, making holes on your favorite and most expensive shirts, flushing your car keys down the toilet, diluting your very expensive and cherished perfume with water, painting your bathing soap with my nail polish, etc. My saintly self was so focused on making you feel so much pain and suffering that I never for once thought of killing you, for that, I feel you should be grateful.
The most annoying part of this forgiveness is that now, after brainstorming ways to get back at you and fantasizing the look on your face and the rush of excitement I would get after hurting you and making you feel the pain I felt when you hurt me, I would have to let all these go. I have to let it all go so as to make seeing your face almost everyday a lot easier.
I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for me (just so you know). Whatever happened, happened. This is also to publicly let you know that you no longer hold the key to my happiness, baby girl has been peachy without you.
Have it good,
stupid bastard ‘dear’ 😇
I am healing. I’m still in the process and no matter how long it’s going to take to completely let go, I am willing to try. FOR ME, I will try.