I read an amazing post on flaws written by J|the nelly bean, she wrote about flaws she loved about herself and it inspired me to do my post too.
Disclaimer: If you’re reading this post, get ready for some story telling (even though I was rambling at some point). Read at your own risk. Some you would find hilarious and entertaining. This is just me being real and sharing a part of me which I’ve had a hard time accepting while growing up. There are some important lessons to take away from here too.
Currently, I am reading Yes please by Amy Poehler (review coming soon) and she was so A U T H E N T I C. Amy wore her heart on her sleeves and was vulnerable. I love that book! Amy shared a story of how she was flat chested in middle school and how that made her feel really low about herself. She also said something about everyone having demons.
She explained that this demon comes once in a while, especially when you’re staring at the mirror (perfect time, right?). This demon is annoyingly good at pointing out our flaws to us; “Hey, look your waist line is increasing, didn’t you see the picture of Betsy on IG yesterday? Isn’t that body goals? You should try to be like her”, “The folds by the sides of your belly have just increased to 3! You should throw away all your tight dresses, you’d look horrible in them”, “Ewww, you look like death, are you sure you’re still going for that party or hangout?”.
Heygirl, can I tell you the shocking truth? THAT DEMON VOICE IS YOURS. Accept it or not, it is. The voice is usually low and it won’t even sound like you at that moment, but it’s you.
“The good news is there are ways to make it stop talking. The bad news is it never goes away. If you are lucky, you can live a life where the demon is generally forgotten”.
Yeah, what she said. I hope the stories I’m going to be sharing in this post would play a role in helping you.
These are 3 FLAWS about myself I’ve learned to love and live with;
RABBIT TEETH/GAP TOOTH.
In my first year in the university, a guy was talking to my friend and I and out of nowhere, he said “you have a nice face but you would have looked prettier if you didn’t have rabbit teeth”. I scoffed and acted like what he said didn’t mean anything.
No, this isn’t where it started.
Since my days in highschool, I’ve always hated my dentition. My sisters didn’t have perfect dentition but why was mine worse? Why are my incisors slightly bigger and crooked? And why is there a little gap in the middle? I liked nothing about my dentition except for my pink fresh-looking gums. I felt it (my dentition) made me look ugly when I smile. As a result, I started making efforts to make sure my teeth doesn’t show when I smile ( I laugh hysterically and show all my 28 when I forget myself). And of course, we know it looks more natural when you actually show your teeth when smiling.
My mum has the prettiest dentition I’ve ever seen. And guess what? She has gap tooth too, like me. Unlike mine, hers are straight and just I dunno, pretty and white! I wish I had her kind of dentition. One time, someone said I look like my mom whenever I smile, like genuinely smile. I didn’t believe it until my dad said the same thing too. Another person also said I had a beautiful smile too but I didn’t believe it because he was a toaster (flirting with me) and I felt he was only saying that to get into my pants. My friends said the same thing too. Eventually, I began to accept these compliments. It didn’t take too long before I started smiling fully in my pictures.
Today, I looveee my smile and if you crack a joke, I’ll show you my 28 without holding back!
For the ones that care, keep staring at my crooked, not-so-white, cute bunny gap teeth in my selfies. Una get time.
Me when I hear someone say, “all igbo girls have yam legs”👇
Ahem, Eskis me. I am an FBI – FULL BLOODED IGBO. As in both parents are from the east, but I don’t have yam legs!
This was my most disturbing flaw then and this is where I’ll be sharing another story.
When I was younger, 15, 16, I always wore skirts, long skirts and all. While my mates were wearing the trending leopard skin leggings or pencil jeans or carrot jeans, I was okay and comfortable in my Mary Amaka (but pencil) skirts. I loved jeans, I really loved jeans but I couldn’t wear them. Why?? I had tiny toothpick legs which I really felt insecure about and rather than wearing skinny jeans or leggings or carrot jeans that would accentuate them, I settled with what I felt more comfortable in.
However, there were struggles I faced (if you wear skirts, you’d understand these struggles) and I got tired of wearing them. I had to always sit in a particular way, the pencil skirts (a very narrow straight skirt) made me walk in a particular way – because it was pencil – and it restricted me from stretching my legs properly when walking while for the flare skirts, I was always conscious when I wore them out because I was always worried that any little breeze would raise it up and show the world my SpongeBob underwear (which were very pretty). Yeah, skirts aren’t really my thing. Maybe I am an awkward person but I don’t think I would ever feel comfortable in skirts. I love trousers. With trousers, I don’t struggle like this (at least with my pajamas, I didn’t). I really wanted to try them too. So, I ditched skirts.
I decided to try baggy trousers, like sweats and palazzo. Palazzo was and is still bae.
Palazzo trousers are long women’s trousers cut with a loose, extremely wide leg that flares out from the waist
These type of trousers did a great job hiding my tiny legs and made me feel comfortable. I kept wearing baggy trousers. However, my love for jeans didn’t fade, I still wanted to rock jeans so bad.
Also, I saw the way it looked on other skinny girls and even if I knew that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off like they did. I felt “maybe it wouldn’t look so bad on me”. So, I started shopping for jeans. But I didn’t start with the skinny ones though. From straight jeans, I graduated to skinny jeans 😁
Today, Jeans is a piece of clothing that defines my entire wardrobe and my life; from skinny, to skinny-cropped to skinny-ripped. You name it, lol.
I was going through IG the other day and I saw a post on exercise tips on how to ‘reduce fat in legs’. I was like, “really? that’s a thing?”. I just shook my head and scrolled past.
In my mind, I was thinking “see me that wanted so badly to have thick legs, unknowingly to me, there are actually people out there who feel their legs are too fat and want to have skinny legs! It’s funny isn’t it?
This is not just your usual forehead gang. My forehead is massive. Let me paint a picture: imagine a forehead that looks like a N100 cab ride from the eyebrows to the hairline, then you know what I’m talking about 😭😭
Jokes apart. This one flaw has made me feel insecure about my forehead since childhood. I got used to taking half photos ( in a way that the whole of my forehead won’t show). I also wore hairstyles (like fringe/bangs) that’ll cover it or at least try to. I even feared braiding then.
But thank God for beautiful places like instagram and pinterest. I saw pictures of girls boldly and gloriously displaying their foreheads. They have big foreheads like me, they are beautiful too (even though they were on heavy makeup) but the only difference was that, they loved the way it was, heck some didn’t even give it so much attention. They made it feel like if you don’t have a big forehead, you are not winning. That was also how I got to know of the thing called ‘forehead gang’.
With time, I stopped hating my forehead. I gladly accepted this and joined the fantastic forehead gang with joy. Today, braids is one of my favorite styles and I’d intentionally wear it up (and lay my edges). I feel it brings out the shape of my face and it makes me look good!
These are just 3 flaws I’ve learned to love and since I accepted them, no one has been able to use them against me 😊 I guess I listened to Tyrion Lannister!
That thick body you probably hate so much. Someone out there is doing the most just to be thick. That gap tooth you hate because you feel it makes your smile look ugly, do you know people actually do surgeries to have gap tooth?!
Amy Poehler said something and in terms of body, I think I’d like to quote it here:
“Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier”.
I’d like to add my words: “Let go of what you will never have and learn to appreciate what you have, make it look as best as it can because there’s nothing like being comfortable in your own body. People who do this are happier and sexier”.
I have a really small stature, I’m not short, but I look really small for my age. But I have no problem with it, I love it that way. At least, I can hide under the chair when they’re shooting gun or when there’s robbery.
Girl be comfortable in that body. Stop starving your beautiful body!
“Hopefully as you get older, you start to learn how to live with your demon. It’s hard at first. Some people give their demon so much room that there is no space in their head or bed for love. They feed their demon and it gets really strong and then it makes them stay in abusive relationships”.
– Amy Poehler
According to Pathway to Happiness, these insecurities can birth low self esteem and low self esteem can in turn lead to stress and even depression.
Google says that a flaw could be a blemish, fault, imperfection, defect or shortcoming and everyone’s got at least one! So, flaws aren’t always physical. However, most times the physical ones are what most of us battle with.
Learn to live with your demon. Don’t give it the bed and sleep on the floor. Don’t even give it the top bunk if you have one, if it fights with you for it, maybe you can pretend like you’re okay with it and then wake up in the middle of the night – like that sneaky little fox that you are – when it’s asleep and push it off the bunk, LET IT FALL OFF AND BREAK ITS BACK. *evil grin*. Don’t feed it so it won’t get bigger silly! Don’t pay so much attention to it when it appears when you’re standing in front of that mirror, preparing to go for that party. Even if it does appear, I’d advice you use this smart-ass answer Amy suggested (which I found hilarious lol):
If it comes with “You aren’t pretty,” you go, “I know, I know, now let me find my earrings.” Sometimes you say, “Demon, I promise you I will let you remind me of my ugliness, but right now I am having hot *** so I will check in later”.
“Learning to love your appearance is part of the ongoing process of unlearning all the ways society tells you to hate yourself”. Doyin says.
Body positivity is a journey and know that you’re not alone 💕
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”.
Psalm 139:14, NIV
What are your flaws? Do you have similar physical traits you’ve learnt to embrace? How did you learn to embrace and live with them? Do you have something (preferably a word of advice) to say to others out there who are still struggling to fit in the society? Share your story with me, I’d love to know 💕